She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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