if i can run in heels then i can drive
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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