Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize