So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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