So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
