Midget sex pt 2 tonight
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
