There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
