she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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