Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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