Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
