"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
