the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize