I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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