the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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