for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
