he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize