Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
