u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
