Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
