I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
