Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
