I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
