2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
