I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just pee around me
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
