Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
