Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
