Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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