i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
