I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
