so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
