even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
