Got a toothbrush?
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
