I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
