Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
