Sponge bath it is.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize