member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
