you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
