They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
