why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
