his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize