yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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