He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
