Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
