I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
