Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
