HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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