I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
