dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
