Please don't use social media to get back at me.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
