I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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