He kissed a someone with a penis
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
