i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
