some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
