u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
