What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
