These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
