your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
