I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
