i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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