Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
