There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
