So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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