that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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