I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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