My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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