All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
