just come out here and I will go home with you...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
