I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
