i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
