guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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