you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
