i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
