I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
