Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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