By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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