You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
