i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
