You're my little dorito
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
