eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
