First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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