You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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