yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
