He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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