if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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