Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just found a bag of teeth...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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