So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Randomize
