a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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