I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
