So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize