Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
