I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
