I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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