Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
