You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
