Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
