I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
