Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize