I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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